I am overwhelmed.
I am a mom. To 6.
A housekeeper. In a home that never seems to be clean.
A cook. Who loves gourmet food, but can't afford it. But even if I could, the family probably wouldn't care for it anyway.
A teacher. A homeschool teacher that never feels satisfied with all that we do.
I'm a woman who wants desperately to be organized and structured, but by nature I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants girl who struggles immensely with routine.
I'm not a party planner. I'm not real traditional, but I crave tradition. Old-fashioned-ness. Humbleness.
I just want to CHANGE. I want to improve. I know God loves me despite my flaws. But I want to be better... For HIM. And in turn, for my kids.
I simply want to live. Love. Be. For Him.
Because I know if I give it all to Him, He will bless my life. My family. He'll make things that are ugly, beautiful. He can scrape away the yucky stuff that's grown over my hardened heart and make it pure and lovely again. Or really, for once, finally, can it glow with goodness.
But not finally. Because it's the whole journey that matters. It's not the end stop.
So I pledge to cherish my time here with my 6 children, despite the messy house, plain meals, lack of organizational skills, and lack of faith in my homeschooling abilities.
I am so completely overwhelmed with it all.
But I can do this. I have to persevere. I have little people who count on me, who need me.
Please Lord, let me do this life for You. Help me to be strong, as I am weak. Help me to push forward, as I have a tendency to give up too easily and quickly. Help me to focus on the important things, as my disorganization and laziness pull me away from what's good.
To new beginnings.
